Strange twist of fate

Just had an important heart to heart with my room mate about our past lives. It all started with a question about a friend. "they look up to you." he said or asked I couldn't tell the difference but something about the question really haunted and struck me as wierd is that he was right - they did. Ever since I aced my finals ppl have put me in a certain light. Guess I should start by explaining how this exam business started. The year is 2005 November if I can remember correctly. The rest of the school where I attended my primary education had broken off for thier end of year break leaving the candidates to seat for their finale paper in primary education. After all that preparation that is what it boiled down to 5 days Monday to Friday, 7 papers which could probably alter our feature. There was a kid he was average and had a strong belief in the sin wave rule - pass one exam fail the next so he felt good because he had majorly flopped his last exam. But something went wrong fear and anxiety griped him in the moment of truth - exam day. No this was no normal case of exam butterflies no for he had a history of stomach ulcers this proved to be quite a challenge for him. Between the vomiting sharp stomach upsets and dizzyness the exam was perfectly timed for his doom - he lost it. Nothing that the jog around the pitch could do to lift the curse, he was bound to fail and he knew it. The nurses magic pills did nothing for him but something did that he could never imaging would help - a song. Seated for his first paper half asleep an angel song a song to his ear. A beautiful song that the boy could have sworn to be crystal clear and in perfect surround sound.

#NowPlaying Evancene - Bring me to life

Immediatly the boy realised it was futile to care and with the angels voice in his head he woke and did his paper. Now his hand taken over by another more calm mind - not his own. Soon he was done he could remember little of what just happened but soon he did and it was good.

Having given out that little passage I guess you could already see that I had selfesteam issues long before I sat for my exam so it was no surprise to me. But to the rest of the more expectant crowd it was a shocker, how the boy was finally cought up. So some of them deemed him hopeless but whether he is up to him his angels and noone else.

Stage Fright

A question I've always come to ask myself is why the hell I'm so negative towards my abilities or generally myself! Reading trough my posts (something I never do) I've come to view myself in a different light guess that was why I started this hidden blog in the first place... Hidden so that no one would figure me out before I did! Let me share a small experience in primary that probably altered my life and continues to manifest itself in various aspects of my life.
The year not so long ago I'm a small or big public primary school. My best friend had decided to join drama well he wanted I just tagged along. And after the drafting or is it casting my buddy was given the full page character while I less than featured in the play (supporting cast)... Jealous me? noooo. By then I had no clue what the word meant!
So after some few days of practice (my few stage movements no words) we proceeded to the drama festivals...
The bottom line I got stage fright! I couldn't remember my positions let alone lines wtf wtf wtf wtf after that nonsense you can guess that my acting career went down the toilet...
The judges "advised" my teacher to take me off and despite my plea siting my stage fright as a reason for my poor show I was let off.
Never tried acting again!
So after that event I have found myself at does when it comes to when it counts usually I try to fight the fear but end up more afraid. Lost all outlook of my abilities and hence always turn out to be the tensed guy. Just because it happened once the ghosts don seem to die off!